Friday, April 14, 2006

~Who said Islam doesn't even mention or consider "love" for marriage? ~

Long time ago a sister wrote :
Good manners are important, but the prophet Jesus taught the world that among all the laws Allah sent down to man, none was greater than love your brother as yourself. Love was the greatest attribute man could develop because with that, all the rest would follow.

The fairness, the justice, the peace in the world. If man loved his brother there would be no need to command not to steal, kill, covet another man's wife because those things would not even occur to someone who had love for others inside him.

What bothers me even more is that Islam says you marry a woman for her beauty, status (family lineage), wealth or religion if only one of these things are present. Love is not even mentioned, when it was the greatest gift presented to all mankind, that if a man should start to digress, his wife would be his helper to remind him to fulfill his spiritual jihad. Yet Islam does not even mention, or consider this for marriage, WHY?
My respose to her :
Dear Gina…

Assalammu'alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh

Who told you Islam doesn't even mention or consider "love" for marriage??
At time person decide to marry…at time they choose someone to end up…. That must be based on love…. No matter what's the reasons…. That is love…

If that person marry a woman for her beauty… that his decision… that his choice… because he "loves" beauty

If that person marry a woman for her status [family lineage]… he chose it because he thinks status [family lineage] thing which he "loves" most

If that person marry a woman because of her wealth. That he is… that base on his love to find the short way to be rich [a choice for them who lazy even to move their fingers]… he doesn't care that tarnish his dignity as a man…

If that person marry a woman for her religion… that his choice because he think religion is all what he wants….

Love something because of any [mundane] reasons …..that love that will disappear when the reasons gone…..Love that will fade when one has got "the intentions"….

Anytime…when Islam talks about love, it will be always said… the highest love in Islam is love for the sake of Allah…. Love of between human is next after you love Allah and his messengers….

According the teaching of our beloved prophet sallahu alaihi wassallam….Islam put love of your brothers just like you love yourself as a condition to reach the "perfection" of faith,

Rasulullah salallahi walaihi wassalam said ,"None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself.[Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.12 Narrated byAnas]

There are so many similar hadist

So when decide to marry one of your brother in Islam… the reason of Love should have been already included in that automatically… As you shouldn't hate your brother in faith… You have responsibility to love him just like you love yourself… a responsibility among believers to hold the commitments… as it's sacred for us his property, his blood and his honor….

………."Verily! Your blood, propertyand honor are sacred to one another (i.e. Muslims)……[Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.67 Narrated by Abdur Rahman bin Abi Bakras father]

People love because they organically…it's part of genuine fitrah and a sign of the good heart….if you can fall in love with a cute "chicken", "cat"….pets…. logically it very fitrah [natural] if there is love, admiration, affection, with your fellow "human".

It like wha Allah subhana wa ta'ala says :"Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet:Women and sons;Heaped-up hoards of gold and silver;horses branded (for blood and excellence);and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land.Such are the possessions of this world's life;but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (To return to)."[Qur'an Ali Imram 3:14]

Islam really really "cares" the purity of heart in any sense…. Islam not denying the right of people the right to love, but it is about asking the question "WHAT IS NEXT? " If you can't control it… it can destroy you … Compassion and affection has nothing to do with bad morality. While what Islamic morality is about the actions, which follow that feelings.

Perhaps we talk about love in different perception ….

Love in Islam not about "disobedience" and not about something which stuck all things….
Marriage in islam not based on the " blind" love…..

It is not…….. "I am not stupid, I am not blind….but I am in love" …Iit's not love which you read/see in story of Leila & majnum, Romeo & Juliet, San Pek & Eng tai, Boolywood and Hollywood movies……

Love in Islam is not merely love or "crush" that based on temporary things like (beauty, treasure, passions or any mundane things), but have to based on the awareness to responsibility in front of his Lord…. the responsibility to care the commitment.

Love in Islam is not something to do about "a romance gaze" [lustful gaze]

Say to the believing men that they should lower their gazeand guard their modesty:that will make for greater purity for them:And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.

And say to the believing women that they should lower their gazeand guard their modesty;that they should not display their beautyand ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof.....[Qur'an An Nur 24: 30-31]

Love in Islam is not something to do about "love touches '"… or physically contact

"It is better for one of you be pricked in the head with an iron pickthan to touch a woman it is unlawful to touch"[Reported by At-Tabarani and Al Bayhaqi]

Love in Islam is not something to do about share "sweet talks", "inner desires" "wild imagination"

"Allah has written for Adam's son his share of adultery which he commits inevitably.The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing),the adultery of the tongue is the talk,and the inner self wishes and desiresand the private parts testify all this or deny it."[Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas]

Love in Islam is not something to do about "spending time together"

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said,"Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third."[Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab]

To care the purity of that love itself…. Even Allah subhana wata'ala says

Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil,opening the road (to other evils).[Qur'an Al Isra' 17:36]

In Islam, marriage is the only institution where man and woman [non mahram] may enjoy the closeness , it is a sacred institution, find tranquility…love and compassion… what Allah has described

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves,that ye may dwell in tranquility with them,and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts):verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.[Qur'an Ar Ruum 30:21]

…….They are your garments and ye are their garments…… [Qur'an Al Baqaarah 2:187]

Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah….. [Qur'an Al Baqaarah 2:223]

Marriage also considered as complete half of deen [religion] as part of Ibadah [righteous deeds]…..that why have to initiate with an intention to find Ridho Allah SWT [to pleasure Allah].

That love will be a strong foundation of marriage if that love grows in obedience and the frame to worship and to pleasure Allah swt. It said…. Mawaddah [or love that exist/grow between human because of any certain bond or interest] will be only remain in the first few years of marriage..… , the rest years they mostly remain together with the "Rohmah" [The love of Allah… The gracious of Allah to His creatures…. An endless love that bestowed to the heart of believers who love and gather for His sake…. For with the bond of faith and obedience to worship Him….love beyond of any other love]…. For this reason… in Islam… love has to for the sake of Allah…

Dear Gina… I don't know if you are a Moslem or non Moslem…. If you are a non Moslem.. May Allah guides you to the light of Islam… then in the day of Judgment inshaAllah we will be among of them who will be gathered with love for the sake of Allah…..

Just like what Allah says in one of hadist Qudsi :

Where are those who love one another through My glory?Today I shall give them shade in My shade,it being a day when there is no shade but My shade.[Hadith Qudsi 23]

I only share you what I know….. They could be right and could be wrong… if I make mistake inshaAllah brothers and sisters here will correct me…

All the truth must be from Allah…. And I ask the forgiveness from Allah subhana wata'ala for all the mistakes…

Wallahu alam bishshowab….

Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaikaWassallamu'alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh
Bandung 15 ,May 2005
Fi aman AllahRytha


Anonymous 12:14 AM  

I like the approach of the article ma sha Allah, and I have two recommendations: 1)that you have it edited since it has some basic English language mistakes, which deter from a great potential. 2)That it be clarified that the hadith about a woman and a man being alone, the third being shaitan; applies when they are not married or unlawful to each other; for an unfamiliar reader this could some across wrong. 3)We should spell Muslim, not Moslem, and Allah SWT Knows Best. THANKS MUCH