Thursday, May 18, 2006

~Working with Hijab~

Hijab matter not always be problem for sisters who are living in non Moslem country. Even in Moslem country, some sisters who want to observe hijab have to face discourage statements such as.. Why you wear it, nobody will interest to marry you, you will difficult to find job.… etc

Many muslimah decided take their hijab off just for the sake to get a work. Some companies directly ask them to do that. It happened to a sister who was asked to take her hijab off if she wanted to accept in a big finance company, they would hire her straight away for that as she has excellent academic qualification. She refused such requirement, even if the offer was so tempt…. Alhamdulillah because of her patience, Allah answered her effort…... She finally got a job that she had dreamt in another company.

I can feel the dilemma of sister who faces though decision to take off the hijab to search money for life. InshaAllah want to share my experience regarding the journey how I got my job.

Previously before I work in this company [where I am working right now] I resigned from my previous company because of some reasons…. One of them because I didn’t feel comfort they asked me to involve in a project that I know very well the company was going to use incorrect way to win the contract.… Sometimes the systems force one’s company to use this way; there are so many dilemmatic things in work fields. I know most of them did not feel happy at all to do the project but they thought to keep doing it because they felt they did not have choice to refuse…

I decided to resign. Allah guide me to choose the best timing. Just after few days of my reassignment, my brother got a serious accident …I said it the right time because I had chance to accompany my mother to spent all my time beside her to face all of these difficult situations…

During those time I thought some options for my future, I planed for my advance study that have been dreaming whole my life, as I had chance to get the sponsor. I also applied for job. I only apply to one company, at that time, my main reason chose this company because I wanted to accompany my friend who just lost her baby and husband in the same year [she is working in that company as well].

I had to stay in hospital with my mother and brother for about one month. Alhamdulillah he got the VIP treatment and we could stay there in his room. I saw many things there that make me lead to the finally decision and prayed so much to get this job.

I saw my cousin’s son, who is suffering from kind of tumor, but she is penniless and her husband was almost jobless… I met her when she visited my brother in the hospital. I also met many helpless people around the hospital who are very weak and cannot do anything.

As a Muslimah that blessed with education.. Being so fortune and has been blessed so many things.. I feel I have to carry bigger responsibilities... it must be reasons behind all of these… there must be the responsibility that Allah wants me to carry …...Isn’t it will be our duty to help those the helpless one who do not have many options in their life, who do not have much opportunity….

Hence…… I firmly decided I have to work. I really need this work.

Then the company sent me interview application to send back through email. There were so many questions that I had to answer. I could not prepare a perfect draft as I stayed in hospital. I just simple went to the nearby cyber café and just wrote anything that came up in my mind.

After few days they called again to make appointment for face to face interview..

It surprised me; I spent many times to think how I had to face these people who were going to interview me…. At that time, I felt I wanted this job more than before. The job seem fit anything, professionally, intellectually, and the salary :-)

I thought It’s a refutable foreign company, I need to appear like what they want, but I also couldn’t figure out, what things that they want/need.....… I thought it could not be a religious figure that they expected. They would think hijabi woman would have problem to deal with client….. hijabi woman is the nervous person who can not do anything… etc.. astaghfirullah…..

Then there was a messages from my dear sister Lina that gave profound effect to me… she said “My dear Rytha, Be confident and just be you”. Subhanallah It touched me so much… It relief me …. that all what I need….

I appeared in the interview with my style… be myself… I don’t hide what kind of Moslem I am… I was not so sure about the interview… But after few days they called me, they said they wanted to hire me.. subhanallah.. I felt…… this must be the help from Allah subhana wata’ala….

I have learnt at that stage… In life, we have to keep strong purposes… the most straight and clear our purpose… Allah will help us.. no matter what.. If Allah will ….it will just simple happened. Allah will always help us if we have good intention when doing something.

I felt so many pleasant things during my journey at that interview.. start from nice taxi driver.. nice bus driver…. nice receptionist…etc… the people who interviewed me also very very nice… mashaAllah. I was extremely wondered I met so many nice strangers in that whole day…. it must be the help of Allah .. it must be because the sincere prayer from people who love me…

If the company is good reputable and hold by intellectual minded people …. They will see our qualification than our appearance, religion, race or any others insignificant aspects…

We should not always be whatever people want. There are many things that we have to hold strongly if that something about our belief…. We have to sure Allah will help us as far what we belief is correct.

The only one that have to please is only Allah. When we only try to please Allah we will never feel any confuse because what Allah’s promise must be true… But when we try to please human.. it’s a start of the failure.. as we will never able to please all people….and we will feel dissapointed sooner.

Intellectual people will have high respect to what other belief; they can’t be a primitive people who value one’s qualification from the outside appearance…. If that is an environment that we really want to in.. We should not lower our standard. If they accept us.. That mean… that’s the right place for us.. They will be happy with us and we will be happy to work there… Else we shouldn’t be someone else to fit in that environment which finally only drag us to uncomfort life…

Alhamdulillah.. Now I am working here… the company who elevate the ethic at first… who strongly against racist and discrimination..

Another blessing that I feel as hijabi… It easier for me to find my community… the Islamic community. The harder thing that I have to leave when move for this job that I had to leave all the religious friends and environment… All friends told me to make sure I should join the religious circle as soon as I arrive in my new place….. .They keep monitoring me to make sure I will do that soon :-).. mashaAllah

Before… when anytime when people told me…”sister I can’t find religious environment here”… I always advice them.. to create one themselves… MashaAllah now I know how it is….

I tried to meet some religious sisters, some da’wah actives ….very soon after my arrival… .. It was surprised me to find out they already knew me for some awesome details even before I told them about myself.. Subhanallah…

Do you know why? It because of my hijab.. because I never changed my style..… Their husband are working in the same company.. They recognize me from my appearance.. they informed their wife… that ‘a all the story begin.. alhamdulillah..

Because of this hijab…. My colleagues alhamdulillah have some more respect.. They do not forward any “strange” materials… This hijab is only make people turn become religious when they around you :-)…alhamdulillah…

Few days ago I just completed a training from company. The teacher was a man from USA, non moslem man. I guess because of my hijab during lecture he asked me if we need time to pray… In fact another previous group he didn’t ask….. as he didn’t sure if they moslem or not… He said… “the previous class are moslem?” We said “Yes all of them moslem”… He wonder and said :” But the previous class they didn’t pray”…. We surprised We said they must be pray but I guess they managed pray between short break… Alhamdulillah in my group he gave special time for us to pray… He was surprised we back too soon [he didn’t mind to give long break waiting us pray…]…subhanallah….

One more blessing is the musholah “prayer house” just beside my office… where we can do pray jammah for every single prayer......For some days I felt hesitate to take time to pray Dhuha during the office time. But one day I saw a man just completed pray in the man section.. Subhanallah that was our big boss… mashaAllah if only all the leader like him… all employee will not need afraid to have about 15 minutes stop for pray….Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah here I am.. I can see many religious people around.. the company didn’t care how long your beard.. how wide your hijab as far you meet their qualification…I have right to listen murotal [Qur’an recitation] whole day instead the music [as every one also can listen music]… Alhamdulillah for all these blessing….

I hope from this experience can relief any sisters who afraid can not get good job..InshaAllah lets clear our intention.. figure out what our aim…. Make sure to do anything for the sake of Allah.. Allah will help to put us in the right place….. in the right time… inshaAllah

Wallahu alam bishshowab
Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaika
Batam 18 May 2006

Special compose for sisterseekingJannah

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

~Why Moslem should be Rich ?~

A sister just got a call, she was hired to join a big company with very good salary… Some other sisters who were listening her conversation they saying ta’bir [ Allah is great].. Hamdallah.. praise Allah..

The first thing that they said to that sister was . “Alhamdulillah Allah give you chance to give more for charity…”


There is a beautiful hadist that was narrated by Abu Dharr radiyallahuan
[1] [one of companion who was very poor]… Abu Dharr said some of Companions [poor companions] came to Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam… they want to share their complaint/their envy about the rich people [among the other companions]…

They said :

“They [their rich brothers] observe prayer as we do, they keep the fasts as we keep them, and they give sadaqah from their surplus riches. “

At this point those poor companions felt some steps behind the rich companions because they do not have money to do charity like Rich companions do…..

Upon this Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam said:

“Has Allah not prescribed for you (a course) by following which you can (also) do sadaqah?
In every declaration of the glorification of Allah (i.e. saying SubhanAllah) there is a sadaqah,
every Takbir (i.e. saying AllahuAkbar) is a sadaqah,
every praise of Him (saying Alhamdulillah) is a sadaqah,
every declaration that He is One (La ilaha illallah) is sadaqah,
enjoining of good is a sadaqah,
forbidding of that which is evil is a Sadaqah,
and in man's sexual intercourse (with his wife) there is a Sadaqah.

According to sharah of this hadist [the tafseer of the hadist], after heard that hadith Prophet companions were very happy… They went home and practice what Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam advised…. They increase did tasbih, takbir, tahmid wish Allah account them as Sadaqah.

Somehow rich companions knew this hadith… they hastily practice what poor companions had been practicing too…

Those poor companions came to met Rasulullah again. They said Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam that rich companions also practice his advice…

Upon this matter… Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam was smiled and said that the benefit .. that Allah bless toward the rich people… [2]


It was wonderful.. long time ago.. at the time of Rasulullah.. the companions always race to do righteous deeds..They competed in the good way, tried to find ways how to please Allah more.

The poor asked Rasulullah how to be equal like the rich companions in the sight of Allah…. When the Rich companions knew the advice of Rasulullah to their fellow poor brothers, they also didn’t want to lost the chance to do more righteous deeds that can make them better in the sight of Allah subhana wata'ala…

The spirit to race in the goodness made the poor companions met Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam again... wish Rasulullah could say any other advice to make them leading in righteous deeds… wallahu alam…

They raced to do righteous deeds as much as possible… it’s not strange at that time companions gave most of their wealth for charity….Abu Bakr As Siddiq gave all his wealth, Ustman bin Afan bought the well for Moslem…Abdurrahman bin Auf donated all his merchandise….They were conglomerate who always spend their wealth in the way of Allah…
They are the noble example how keep their wealth on their hands.. ..not keep it inside their heart… then anytime when they see chances to give charity it always easy to let them go, they were happy for that….. They felt the joy spent their money in the way of Allah subhan wata'ala....

Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam never disappointed the poor companions from Abu Huraira radiyallahuan was reported Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam said

"Every bone of men's fingers and toes must give sadaqa every day the sun rises.
If one gives justice between two men it is sadaqa;
if one helps a man with his beast, loading or lifting his goods on it, it is sadaqa;
a good word is sadaqa;
every step one takes towards prayer is sadaqa;
and if anyone removes anything injurious from the road it is sadaqa."

Poor companions..... at that time...... never use their poverty as the reason to left behind in righteous deeds.. They asked Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalm what kind righteous deeds that they can do to please Allah subhana wata’ala..
There is always the way for them who sincerely want to gain the pleasure of Allah. of the reason why Moslem should be rich… to give more charity… to be able to do more of things with his money to please Allah.. to spend it in the way of Allah… To spend our money first to help our close people….like what Allah says : “They ask thee what they should spend (In charity). Say: Whatever ye spend that is good, is for parents and kindred and orphans and those in want and for wayfarers. And whatever ye do that is good, -(Allah) knoweth it well “.[4]

There is a hadist that record by Iman Al Bukhari
[5]. One of beloved companion Rasulullah sallahu alihiwassalm - Saad bin Abi Waqqas was striken by an ailment that lead him to the verge of death. The prophet sallahu alaihi wassalam came to visit him. When Saad Radiyallah an saw Rasulullah there was an interesting conversation between them…

Saad said : "O Allah's Apostle! I have much property and no heir except my single daughter. Shall I give two-thirds of my property in charity?"
Rasuluallah sallahu alaihi wassalam said : "No."
Saad said : "Half of it?"
Rasuluallah sallahu alaihi wassalam said : "No."
Saat said, "One-third of it?"

Rasuluallah sallahu alaihi wassalam said: "You may do so, though one-third is also too much, for it is better for you to leave your offspring wealthy than to leave them poor, asking others for help. And whatever you spend (for Allah's sake) you will be rewarded for it, even for a morsel of food which you may put in the mouth of your wife."

The last answer of prophet sallahu alaihi wassalam is another reason why Moslem should be rich….. that was said it’s better we leave our offspring wealthy than to leave them poor asking other for help….

The rich people lead forward than the poor. Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam forbid us to be envy except to the rich people who spend their money in the way of Allah.. and people who have knowledge and they teach it to other.

May Allah subhana wata’ala help all of us always to be strong financially then we can follow our role model salafussholeh who always race in the good deeds….

May Allah open our heart to feel the same joy like our role model salafus sholeh when we see the bigger amount of money that we have to spend for the zakah and infaq.

May Allah help us to get rid our greedy to keep money just to enrich ourselves when there are many people who direly need them.

May Allah guide our heart to spent our wealth in the way of Allah to safe us from the grievous Penalty
"O ye who believe! Shall I lead you to a bargain that will save you from a grievous Penalty?- That ye believe in Allah and His Messenger, and that ye strive (your utmost) in the Cause of Allah, with your property and your persons: That will be best for you, if ye but knew! [6]

"Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds:[7]

Wallahu alam bishshowab….

Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaika
Wassallammu’alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh
Fi aman Allah
9 March 2006

[1] Sahih Muslim Hadith 2198 Narrated by AbuDharr
[2] I said this part with my own…
[3] HR Bukhari and Muslim
[4] Qur’an Al Baqarah 2:215
[5] Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.725Nrrated by Saad bin Abi Waqqas
[6] Qur'an As Saff 61:10-11
[7] Qur'an Al An'am 6:162

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

~Life is a series of ikhtiar~

Life is a series of ikhtiar, from one ikhtiar to another ikhtiar. But the end of the ikhtiar shouldn’t always be a success. There is another way that connects to the successful that is the wish of Allah subhana wata'ala. The wish of Allah is "A way" that unseen [totally dark region in human life] .....nobody know it ……..

Allah says : “Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things).” [Qur'an 31:34].

This world is not belongs to us; it is belongs to Allah subhana wata'ala. Allah the one who decide and the one who decree, nobody have right to ask what Allah do, the otherwise all of us will be asked [one day].

Allah says : “He cannot be questioned for His acts, but they will be questioned (for theirs)” [Qur'an 21:23].

As Moslem we should believe.... whatever Allah subhana wata'al has decreed to a Moslem is good.

Sometimes we can’t see the goodness behind the misery, the wisdom behind the calamity, but actually the key is we have to be husnuzan.. Because only keep good thinking to the will of Allah we will able to transfer everything become good, to transfer the calamity become a gift from Allah subhana wa ta'ala, the sadness become the happiness. Allah just as like His slave thinks about Him, if we keep husnuzan to Allah, nothing is impossible... Allah may keep the great happiness behind.... He is the Almighty... all the goodness belong to Him…. .”

Allah says: 'I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him)” [HR Bukhari]

When calamities befall upon us [beside have to be husnuzan to Allah subhana wata'ala] we also have to munasabah, we should recall to remember what sin that we did/done/doing. A Sin is an owe. Anytime we did sin that mean we have an owe that sometimes we have to pay them through “calamity” , “test” from Allah swt such as losing, unsuccessful, misery, etc.

A good person is not someone who never did a mistake but the one whom soon repentance while he/she did mistake sooner.

Allah say : "Therefore stand firm (in the straight Path) as thou art commanded,- thou and those who with thee turn (unto Allah.; and transgress not (from the Path): for He seeth well all that ye do.” [Qur'an 11:112]

So lets clean our heart, relieve our soul by crying in front of Allah subhana wata'ala because we never know the wisdom behind everything, we do not know that darkness region which blackness of our sins that will cause the calamity.…..

Wallahualam bishshowab
Fri Oct 8, 2004

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

~[I'tikaf 4] : What a Memory ~

There is one important thing in the I’tikaf to help us pass the I’tikaf peacefully. That is we have too keep safeguarding our eyes..

The masjid committees were very strict separated the hijab…. They care to give the comfort of sisters who stay inside the mosque during ‘iktikaf without any disturbance from opposite gender… Some sisters sleep in the mosque’s library, some sleep inside the mosque. No brothers were allowed come to sisters section even if their intention was just to talk to their wife… If they wanted to talk with their wife they had to meet somewhere else that far from sisters’ section. The masjid committee even made announcement if sisters found brothers came to sister section they had to send sms to the masjid committee, they would come immediately to drag those brother backs to their section…..

Even if the masjid committees had set the situation to prevent the mixed and the unnecessary meeting between the opposite gender, it still not enough to prevent anyone not met the opposite gender… because they were in the same place… But We should not take those chances to let the eyes wandering, although the chance there lures us to see the opposite gender…

We will never know where that eye will lead us …. It perhaps would lead to an unpleasant memory or would start unnecessary memory that will distract our concentration doing ibadah…..

There was a simple incidence in the last itikaf that made me flashback to an old story; I got the permission to share this story, hopefully this can help others.. inshaAllah…

That day, we had an afternoon lecture in the masjid. The masjid committee opened some part of long hijab that separated the opposite gender, so that the sisters also can see the syeikh who was giving the lecture.

After the syeikh ended the lecture, we looked for the iftar. Suddenly a sister run toward me, she seemed just seeing a ghost, but there was cloud in her eyes. She said

“Sister I saw him here… I saw him….”.
“ I saw him in the lecture, he sit in the front line..… “
“Yes !… but who?”
“He is *********”
“I see, then what if he is here?”….
“He must be coming with his wife…. “
“Then what if he coming with his wife?…….”

I just kid her. I understood what actually she meant. By the way.. it must be just an accident ;) To prevent this similar "accdient" , it better to keeps focusing to the syeikh during the lecture and don’t let the eyes google around…

This scene related to what have happened about more than one year ago; when she was studying for her graduate study. At that time she stayed in a rent house with some of other sisters in Islam.

The owner of that house is a “rich” lady who visited sometimes. She has a son. He helped with the house maintenances and collected the rent money when his mom was not in the city. He didn’t stay in that rent house but in another house close to his office.

That Lady loved that sister, she considered that sister like her own daughter. She asked her opinions about all things. She trusted her even to care the stuffs if she was not there. They used to go shopping and cook together.

Actually, she wanted that sister for her son. She is beautiful charming girl. When she smiles, her eyes; even her nose, cheek and chin smile; smile that come from the heart. She embraces other not only by her hands, but also with her soul. A girl that makes all the aunties wants her for their sons. She is a smart high educated girl, who are always learn to be better person.

At the beginning she didn’t feel anything about the offer, but the attention and the affection from that lady made her think about the offer. She thought, her son is a good person, he is a hanif person who practices the obligatory and some nawafil. She thought by bit encouragement and support he would grow to better person.

The pinky virus; “the virus of love” started infect both sides, it spread and grow significantly. He used to only come up if there were anything not works [like if there is leak on the roof, to change the bulbs or any other electricity and mechanical matters]. But “the virus” made him started come with unimportant reasons. The sister started to be tolerant with his unexpected visit.

The sisters in our religious gathering circle knew the “situation”. They asked her to search another rent house to prevent she meet him frequently. They arranged the mediator to take care the ta’aruf
[1] process, so that she doesn’t have to communicate directly with him. They asked that brother to visit her parents who stayed in another island, as soon as possible. [2]

Then, he and his parents arranged to meet her parents. Her parents were living in a “village”. It was quite far from the airport to reach there. I imagined, how a great high class people entered to a village, a lady with her fancy dress, the intense sun shining and the dust around…. sweltering walked through the small roads without pavement. Then they arrived in a simple house where everyone had been waiting them. I imagined half of villagers also gather in her house to welcome his family…

Her parents are simple people. They are a merchant. It seemed their parents from different class. His father works in a big government company. Nobody thought that would be a problem, we thought they loved her.. They who started whole marriage idea... We all think the date of marriage would set sooner after the family meeting.

It was surprised everybody that his parents didn’t want to continue the marriage to the next step. They didn’t do that intention so apparently; they said the marriage would be held after she completed her thesis. But, actually that was just a pretext to find stronger reasons to cut the engagement.

All wondered what happened?

Before visited, she told that brother all about her family situation. But he didn’t inform all to his parents. A fact that was not informed, it becomes the biggest reason of refusal…..

The reason is they [his parents] can’t accept her father condition. Her father has physical defect. They stunned when the first time saw him. He is short man with small legs. He was attacked by virus at his childhood time.

That lady, who few times back adored her, dares to humiliate and backbite about her. She told their maid about her father, she demonstrated how freak he walked. She wondered how such beautiful girl has father like him. Astaghfirullah…

Anytime I met her, her eyes looked swelling; she had spent all times crying. Even if she smiled I knew her heart bleeding. Her smiles couldn’t hide the pain on her eyes…. she tried to pretend as if nothing happened even if she was being humiliated like unworthy girl. She kept smiles even if she threat like dirty dust.

One day the lady called her to talk privately. She asked her to away from her son frankly. She said “You know his father hold significant position in the company. He has many “important” colleagues. What will people said if they see your father in the wedding day?”
Astaghfirullah…. Nobody want born as a defect person, .... This is a destiny…”

At those times, she was desperately hurt…. She felt incredible pain, the heart and mind tried to stronger but the bodies gave their own responses…The eyes didn’t stop crying… She hardly concentrated to anything;

She said: “Sister, never once in my life I ever considered my dad as a defect person. Since my childhood, all people around me never said anything about my dad.., so that I never considered him different. My Dad never showed us if his defect is a problem. He did all his activities normally; he works just like normal people…. This is the first time someone told me about his defect.. This is the first time someone told me if his defect is a problem.”

“Sister, all of these make me think about my mom. I adore and respect her more. My mom could accept him and loves him unconditionally. They couldn’t accept him in fact they shouldn’t stay with him everyday “

“Sister, I didn’t tell my parents yet if they cut the engagement. What if my parents ask me why they cut the engagement? I can’t tell them the truth. My parents must be very sad if they know the reason. I don’t want my Dad feel sorry about his defect?… I feel alone to face all these things because I can’t share with my parents…”

“If they refused me because of my flaws I can try to change something,…but if this is something to do with my father I can’t do anything.”

“His parents were very great sweet people… they go to mosque, they follow religious lecturers,.. I don’t know why they can change so much… sometimes I feel so hurt and feel betrayed… why people who asked you to like them, to love them, who adore you.. but then they turn become the one who tried to dump you.”

Don’t we feel too familiar with this scene? There are too many similar stories in our Moslem community. There are so called modern, educated people who keep adapting primitive thoughts…Thoughts that already been an absolute values, a custom that rooted too deep, too hard to throw away.

If only those stories could bring illumination into the heart of Moslem. In fact a primitive people [the real primitive ones] who never taste any formal educations, they changed their ways when they knew the old ways couldn’t benefit them… But, we keep falling to the same hole… we keep nurture the Jahiliyah thoughts.

Do our Moslem community less intellect than those primitive people? What does mean the years of education, the hours of prayers if they couldn’t open the heart …if they couldn’t broad our mind? Astaghfirullah wa atubu ilaika…

Is her father that bad? He is a defect man but he works for life his life, he feed his family with his own hands, he raises his children to be independence people. He is a villager man, a low educated man but he send his daughter to study, to be a high educated lady who finished her master in the best institute in the country and he supports her to pursue more to the highest level. He is a simple man who can raise a pious daughter who respects her parents….Is he that bad? Is he that low to be among “importance” colleague?

The lady made his son meet another girl. They got married very soon.

When she told me the news… she asked me with the tear on her eyes….: “Sister why someone who ever love us, could be so easy to forget us ?”…”Why so fast ?”


A difficult question… The one who were ever given a lot of hopes and loves but then being damp and forgotten, must know how it feels..

What else that expected? A good muslimah will not expect to see her brother in Islam cry like a babe to marry her… she cant expect he did stupid things, threat his parents by doing suicide, hunger strike or drink pesticide or jump from skyscraper building... She shouldn’t expect a happiness to remind on a man’s mind that makes her brother in Islam spend the rest of his life with the memory of her …. She shouldn’t expect he disobey his parents.

There is a stage where things would go wrong if we force more, that stage is the peak where we have to stop dream something…. A stage where she has to go away and pray to make him forget anything…

He and his family have right to choose… We do not have power to control what others’ choose… but somehow [sometimes] what they chose… that also becomes part of our destiny. ... When they didn’t choose that sister, she should accept it as part of her destiny … At lot of time in our life we had to be patience with others’ decision...

Alike when we are driving on the hectic road... we should drive carefully, but we cant prevent if careless driver hit us… when they have hit us, we should accept it if we have been hit, we should accept the fact if we have got injury not because of our mistakes, but because of the ignorance of others… ..
Analog to our life, a lot of time we should be patience, being injured; being hurt because of the stupidity of others…

This is the basic needed of human being who always wants all the perfection into his/her life…. The idealism thoughts most of time are just nice to be theories that only can be talked and discussed, but rarely being practice. When they have to make decision about their close people or for themselves, they forgot their idealism… all their want only the perfections…

A specialist Docter who know a sickness will never derivate to the offspring, he will advice other to accept the defect people in the community, but he himself will not think to give his own child to marry those people and even didn’t want their “respected” “important” “high class” colleagues see those defect people are in his family… This becomes so difficult to apply something for ourselves.

All we can do only try to understand. We can’t force them, we shouldn’t force them. They know best their limits, they have right to chose things that correspond to their limit… if they have less acceptance of others defect, we cant force them to raise their acceptance.. We don’t have right to make they live in miserable due spend their life with someone/something that they do not want. They have their own dream of their life..... We can’t destroy their perfect dream.

Deep down inside we are too shy …….perhaps we also just the same like them…asataghfirullah….. What if we are in their position, could we react better? La haula walla quwata illa billah.

But should our disability be the justification of our action?… Our disability to deal with imperfection is actually “the start point” of our failure… At least don’t make our preference [of perfection] cause the destruction of others life, especially if we the one who started the whole chapter. The least thing that we should do... be mindfull for whatever we do.. the wrong step could lead to the destruction of other life.. that we have to pay in the judgement day in front of Allah subhana wata'la....


All sisters help her to recover. Even a sister and her husband helped her financially to move from that house ….She almost drop out but with sincere support she could finish her thesis in injury times.

After some times, she met the lady. She tried to fix the situation [although she the one who being hurt]. She came to his wedding to congratulate everyone…

The strong people is not the one who win the battle.. but them who can restrain from angry.. The one who can forgive when actually they have right to angry

Allah always save His devote slave with His own ways….Sometimes it feel hurt at first… but it at time we realize the wisdom behind them… we feel so grateful… sometimes we pray for something not good…. We dream something that actually will be not good for our life…. We seem detact Allah to make all what we want come true… wish to the miracle… astaghfirullah

I thought anything about him will never annoy her anymore… but what happened in the itikaf said that memory still with her, still affect her in any way… Anyway… after sometimes.. she found out.. it was not him…. :)

Wallahu alam bishshowab…

Subhanakallahumma wabihmadika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaika
Fi aman Allah

[1] Process to get know each other
[2] This is dishonor if a Moslem man come to the girl directly [in intention of marriage] without the permission from her wali. Any marriage promise that are not conveyed through the wali is considered invalid. It’s not considered engagement… even Syeikh Yusuf Qardhawi consider it as “batil” *. This because Islam protect the honor of woman.
* fatwa fatwa cotemporer by Yusuf Qardhawi
[3] Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: The strong man is not one who wrestles well but the strong man is one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6313.
Previously :
[I'tikaf 1]: ~The Battle with the System or The Battle with the Nafs~
[I'tikaf 2]: ~The Biggest Perpetual Enemy~