Monday, December 17, 2007

~Expect & respect your Wife jealousy Part 4 ~

Assallammu’alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh

My dear husband Ahmad…

If Allah allows me I had flied to the sky to bring the stars as gift for you, but He the Almighty says the stars is for the lamps that adorn the sky and the missiles to drive away the Syaithan… Therefore I let them there as the adornment of sky so that you can keep seeing its beauty.

I want you know dear, for me you are like the star in my life that always lighten my sky, you adorn my life with so many beautiful things…
Marrying such lovely and understanding husband like you is one of the happiest and the greatest blessing in woman life..... alhamdulillah…

Jazakallahu khair for such lovely email, May Allah increase you in knowledge and wisdom. May Allah strengthen that love for His sake forever…May Allah make you always keep that lovely and sweet.... ameen.

In this first year of our marriage I realize we have been through so many new things, so many up and down. We just began the new life. You are learning how to be a leader in our family; you are learning how to care , how to love someone in your life. I believe it's not an easy task for you dear to care complicated creature named woman.

I aware… I myself still far from perfect.… There are a lot of things that I have to learn how to please and to serve you best, to become the coolness of your eyes, to be the comfort of your heart. Indeed it need such of patience and struggle, but it's a worth journey to be your righteous wife.. I want be your best treasure in the earth, to make you please as my path to Jannah.. inshaAllah….

I believe at times you feel some disappointments that made you had to restrain your anger. So much of times the emotion came over, I have tested so much of your patience…. Alhamdulillah at those times you always remember the saying of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam that "The strong man is not the one who can wrestle (fight); the strong man is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.” [HR Al-Bukhaari 6114]

The love for the sake of Allah alhamdulillah make you become someone just.... that love only make you angry to me for His sake, that love made you able to control your emotion, you not just burst out in anger at anytime you want. You never become someone egoist who just saying hurt things to satisfy yourself no matter that words that hurt for your wife. That love always be winner calm you down.... That love always softener your heart to always forgive your dear one ....mashaAllah... that patience and understanding make my love and respect grow and grow toward you...

InshaAllah..... May Allah make us among of them who given the shade of His throne in the day of judgment because of our sincere love for His sake....

Dear.. this marriage is an important chapter of our life that we should try our best to pass with a lot of faith in Allah.. Seek help from Him always for his Mercy, to grant us more patience and understanding each other… We seek the refuge of Allah from the traps of Syaithan who always try their best to separate two hearts that being gathered by sacred bond of Marriage…

They are in racing to win their throne among their fellows to gain the greatness success of separation the husband and wife…Imam Muslim reported on the authority of Jabir ibn `Abdullah, who stated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"Iblis (Satan) places his throne upon water, then sends his groups. The closest to him are those who (tempt people to) commit the most grievous of sins (fitnah). One of them would approach him and say: I did such-and-such. Iblis would reply: You have done nothing. Another would approach and say: I did not leave him (a man) until I caused him to leave his wife and for them to be separated. Iblis would bring him close to his throne and would say: How good you are!”

May Allah protect us from their evils.....

Dear.. InshaAllah this is a earnest commitment in my heart, with all my heart and with all my soul I will not let them win… I will fight them my best till the last of my breath, I will keep running to you, to keep be closer to you, to keep pleasing you.. so that they will never win and never ever win to make you away from me, to destroy our bond of marriage .. I will never let those cruel enemy of mankind win over us….la haula walla quwata illa billah....

They are the worse of enemy that always consistently whispering hater in our heart, blow up our anger, pop up our arrogance and egoism to make us becoming a cruel creature to able hurting our beloved one... They will try to make us argue and fight over the small things..... Indeed they are the most worse of creature who keep trying persistently to find the doors to separate a husband from his wife.
When we feel so much confident, they are preparing more traps to make us follow their footsteps until we fall to the grief sins…na'uzubillah...

Dear... You are my precious jewel, my soul companion in this world, inshaAllah we will be the eternal companion each other in jannah … . I oblige to protect you and guard you from the traps of syaithan. Be the garment that wraps you from haram things…. be your companion that keep try to pull you back to the straight path when you are mislead ….

At times when I felt jealousy …I keep asking you if Do you love me….It doesn’t mean I don’t trust you dear….

Ummul mu’munin Aishah used to ask Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam "How is your love for me?"

Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam didn’t ask aishah back ….
“Why you ask me that question?
“Don’t you trust me ? ”
“If not love you why I married you?”
“Of course I love you that why I still with you, what do you think?”
“What I should do to make you believe me if I love you? “ ….

Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam answer ummul mu’minin softly :
He sallahu alahi wassalam used to say : that love is "Like the rope's knot,"

MashaAllah that mean love of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam for Aishah is so strong and secure.

Time after time thereafter, Ummul mu’minin Aishah would ask Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam again "How is the knot?"

Rasulullah didn’t reply her :
“I have told you …. I love you….., why keep asking me the same question all time”
“Should I have to tell I love again and again?”
“Oh Dear… Don’t ask me that silly question again and again!”
“My love not very cheap that I have to tell you all times…. The less it say…the more precious of it…. You know that !”

Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam was very understanding …..Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wassalam replied Aishah : "Ala haaliha in the same condition." He affirmed her….his love still the same…the same strong and secure…

When I am jealousy I may ask you that question….when I want to feel happy I will ask you the same question , when I am feeling sad I will ask this question again…It because I want my dear husband say he loves me all time….It bring so much secure and joy…Your love can make brighter my days…Your love give so much spirit and the strength to step all the difficulty that we are facing….

Doesn’t matter how many great women that ever you met….Your wife always wants to be the best for you….. Sometimes she just want to hear your confirmation …

I did know you kind of lie when you told me I look gorgeous when my weight adds 10 kg due of pregnancy…But I just love to hear those lie so much.

Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam allows a man to lie with his wife…to make his wife happy… for the sake of harmony [not for cheating] [HR Muslim Book 32, Number 6303] May Allah counts that as the sincere du’a from you….

Please don’t get irritate if in this month It already more than 10 times asked you if I am looking great …I know what I look in the mirror with my big tummy due to pregnancy …I just want you keep saying I still look beautiful for you….Please don’t get lost your cool, people said pregnant woman kinda difficult to handle. Woman always want to look beautiful for her husband in any situations…..The worse they much more want to keep looking beautiful in the eyes of their husband even when they are in the state of pregnancy.... They need much more extra love and care....

Ummul mu’minin Aishah tried to confirm her position among other Rasulullah Wives…..Once she asked Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam …

"O Messenger of God, tell me of yourself. If you were between the two slopes of a valley, one of which had not been grazed whereas the other had been grazed, on which would you pasture your flocks?"

"On that which had not been grazed," replied the Prophet. "Even so," she said, "and I am not as any other of your wives. "Everyone of them had a husband before you, except myself."

MashaAllah… Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam just smiled and said nothing. InshaAllah my dear husband also will keep smiling just like Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam smile to Aishah when anytime I asking him all the silly questions. Especially in this difficult time of my pregnancy

Please be patience dear…Just like Rasulullah salahu alahi wassalam be patience to ummul mu’mini Aishah…

Please be patience and be tender always…
Please deal with me like Rasulullah salallahu alahi salam deal with Aishah…

From the companion Anas Narrated : While the Prophet was in the house of one of his wives, one of the mothers of the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break.

That incident happened in front if prophet companions…What would be the reaction of husband in our time if his wife acts like that? I just can’t imagine…. Men tend to keep their status and pride higher…Maybe he will just easily to divorce his wife, what bad thing that she did in front of his friends……….

Anas then told us how rasulullah sallahualahi wassalam reacted in this incidence….

Anas said…Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam then turned to companions radiyallahu anhum and said, "Your mother (my wife) felt jealous." Then Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the sound dish to the wife whose dish had been broken and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken [Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 152]

Subhanallah……The best Moslem is the one who has good character….

It’s not something strange what Aishah did…Rasulullah salalhu alahi wassalam comprehended this incident, He just forgave Aishah. He only said… “Your mother felt jealous”…He didn’t turn in rage at all….Subhanallah….

Jealousy is the nature of woman…..Please try to expect and respect it dear…

You have to expect it because it sign of her love, her gheerah is sign of her virtuous to protect you from evils. Her jealousy will be a self introspection for her to make her try to serve and make you happy and please more. Her gheerah will make her strive harder to elevate her status over the hoor of Jannah…..

You have to respect it…. because She is your half of soul, you should consider her feeling and comfort so much ….She is your life partner that already help you to away from haram things, she worth for your care. She has so much soft heart, so sensitive feelings that If you ignore it…. It will turn bad…If you belittle what she feel… Your home would like the hell…She is just like a glass vessel… so easy to break….She created from the bend rip that have to straighten with tenderness….

Allah trusts you to care and love that vessel, to put her in the very soft place of your heart, to manage and care it with the tenderness. You should put her very close in your heart, so that you will always remember her at anytime you want to do something wrong that you might would break that vessel…and You will feel fear the wrath of Allah if you try to betray the trust that Allah has given in your hand……..

From the bottom of my heart.. Please forgive me for making your worry in these days….…Forgive me for trouble you with my jealousy…. I love you so much….

InshaAllah I will never ever do anything that I mentioned in my previous email…I truly love you. True sincere believers will never response bad with bad….Our love each other has to full of mercy and compassion. I will never do something that myself not comfortable with it inshaAllah…I will try my best to never do something that even slightly could trouble you….This jealousy will never go the limit that harm our deen…

May this marriage make us become a better person. Lets we try our best to train each other best... so that when our child grow up, they will find their parents as a good role model, they will find the tranquility and the comfort risen
in the house that fill with a lot of love, respect and understanding.... They will see the sunnah of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam apply in our daily life, make them closer to the sunnah time by time... inshaAllah...

May Allah makes us be the best companion in this world and be the best companion in hereafter... So we not include among them who hate and be enemy each other in the day of judgment.... ameen....

Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfirulla wa’atubu ilaika

With so much trust and love
Wassallammu'alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh
Your wife


Monday, December 10, 2007

~Let not Our Hearts Deviate~

They were in Your part
They used to sit for Your knowledge..
They used to proud with the sunnah of Your Messenger

They become misguidance
They become deviate
They proud to be misguided
They criticize the Sunnah of Your prophet …
They make tafseer the Qur'an with their nafs…
They proud to preach their misleading

Allah ….
“Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit qalbi ala deenak"
O Controller of the hearts,
Make my heart adhere firmly to Your religion

Please make me firm in your part
The straight part
The part of Rasulullah and his companions..
The part of As Salaf As Sholeh…

Let not my heart deviate from the truth
After You have guided me and grant me Mercy from You
Truly You are the Bestower…

Move me away from the other way
They way that the shaitan call in the end…
The way of them whom mislead….

You know what we conceal and what we reveal.
Verily, You are the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.
Nothing on the earth or in the heaven is hidden from Allâh.
You know who of us the true sincere….

Punish us not if we forget or fall into error
Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us
Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear.
Pardon us and grant us forgiveness.

Have mercy on us.
You are my Supporter and Protector

Give me the knowledge that is of benefit
The ability to do good deeds that will be accepted
To worship You in the best manner

Give the victory of this deen over the disbelieving people.
Protect my heart, my mind and my hand
Refrain my tongue of saying things that I have No knowledge...

Batam 10 December 2007

Thursday, December 06, 2007

~ Physical Beauty and The Marriage [Part 1] ~

My Dear sister in Islam…

What would feel when someone intends to marry you, he comes to your parent to see you. After he has seen you… He just goes back, never come back, not move forward with his proposal…

Will you hate this brother?

What you feel about a brother who asks people about your beauty first than your religion?

Will you feel so humiliated?

We may think a brother who asks about beauty… as someone who has not strong commitment in his deen…. We jump labeling him as someone who only care about beauty. We may would start to questioning his understanding of his deen...….

Astaghfirullah.. wa na’uzubillah..

Do you know sister..

Once upon a time……Imam Ahmad rahimahullah advice if a man want to propose marriage to a woman, he should ask about her beauty first, and if good things are said, he should ask about her religious commitment, and if good things are said, he should marry her. If he doesn't hear good things about her religious commitment, then he will have rejected her because of her religious commitment. He should not ask about her religious commitment first, then if good things are said, then he asks about her beauty, then if he does not hear anything good, he rejects her because of beauty and not because of religious commitment. End Quote [Syarh Muntahā’l Iradāt, vol. II, page. 623.]


Imam Ahmad rahimahullah… very wise…. he doesn’t want a mu’min leave a God fearing muslimah just because that muslimah not meet his standard of beauty in fact he fully aware she is a true believer who has strong understanding of her deen… He doesn’t like a mu’min refuse another muslimah not because of the deen matter…


Dear Sister…

It’s not something make you become more holy, more pure or make your marriage become more Islamic marriage by marrying someone who never being seen before…. With the same reason you cant refuse the right of you suitor to see you because of this kind of personal preference.

I am sorry for some sisters who raise in certain culture who belief these things, they consider this kind of marriage as something very Islamic, better and best.... In certain cases even cause the offense and humiliate feeling if the suitor come to see the girl...

I am sorry too for them who blindly accept someone that offered by their shaikh/teacher or the respected person. with the faith that would make them more pure and sincere.... Or some just accept it with whatever reasons such as afraid will be cursed by their fellows group of da'wah that they will start to doubt of his/her commitment in da'wah if asking to see candidate first... Some go with blindly marriage just in intention to show their obedient and their submission to the choice of shaikh... etc. .. Wa na'uzubillah...

This way of marriage is just the opposite of getting marriage where boys and girls have date each other and become so free in their relation. However... the first way is too extreme.... and another one is the wrong way... Allah knows best...

The sunnah of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam is we are ordered to see the person that we are going to marry.... because it is the basis on which a very important decision affecting a person’s life will be taken

Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam told a companion Al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that going to marry an Anshar lady : ‘Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’ [Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574]

Rasulullah salahu alahi wassallam must have a wisdom by advising the companions to see first someone that he was going to marry. He salallahu alahi wassalam said.. it can strengthen the heart, more fitting the love and compatibility between both of couple. This sunnah inshaAllah ensure the love and affection will be generated between them........ subhanallah...Allah knows best.

Sister... unlike what we thought before... Actually this is a part of the sunnah our brother in Islam to choose a wife that suite for him in beauty, because it will give greater sense of tranquility and more likely help him lower his gaze. The one that meet his level of beauty that will keep him happy to build a family based on love and respect. That beauty will be a shield for him from fall to the haram things...

Allah knows best

My dear sister……

Please broaden your heart, keep be patience and always have trust in Allah….. If someone comes to ask your hand to marry then he cancel his intention to marry you because you are not meet his beauty standard, please don't be sad sister.... keep praising to Allah… be grateful to Him.....Try your best to keep a husnuzaan with the intention of your fellow brother in Islam... InshaAllah soon.. Allah will replace him with someone better .. someone who will accept you whatever you are....

Why sister ?

Can you imagine to spend rest of your life with someone who not feel compel with you ? It like nightmare and torturing yourself…..For the marriage you must be willing to give the best for your companion both in physically and spiritually fulfillment.
Marriage is not game….…. It is a place of both party to feel the pleasure and enjoyment…. The peak of happiness is when you can give the best fulfillment to your spouse ... to be the coolness of his eyes... the coolness of his heart...

Sister... it would be hurt you so much.... it would be much more humiliated you if in the future when you find out your hubby thinks " My wife is too short....I didn't know if my wife too fat... I actually prefer my wife more fairer" etc...

Sister... Everyone has their own preference...
The beauty itself is very relative depends on person to person preference... It may you are not considered as a beautiful girl for one suitor but you will be look so beautiful for one who Allah destined become your life partner.... inshaAllah...

Sister.... This is the nature of human being to demand and dream something.... ... Our pious brother also a human being, they are normal man who have fitrah to love beauty... It's not tarnish their quality of his deen...if they have a specific beauty in their mind for his wife to be.... Just like you also have the same right to have specific qualities for your husband to be

However... It would bring more confidence yourself if your husband knew how you look like when he moved forward to marry you... You do not need to wondering whether you would be beauty enough to your husband... because you are his choice... both outside and inward aspects....

Subhanallah.... this sunnah is to respect the marriage institution itself... To prevent the regret and disappointment in the future... The refusal it could be his good fear of Allah to mistreating you if he keep move on in marrying you ....

Dear sister ...

Strengthen your heart to keep following the guidance of Allah and His messenger salallahu alahi wassalam to get through all the procedures of the sunnah with patiently …

Dear sister … Allah knows what you feel deep down your heart when you have to move from one suitor to another suitor… When you have to smiles from one family to another family who coming to know you....….Allah knows best your patience that you have to answer the interviewer…

However sister… You still have the key in your hand.. Let other choose…. Finally you the one who decide… Allah and His Messenger give you that right … Nobody can force you to marry anyone without your agreement… InshaAllah

Allah Knows best….

Batam 5 December 2007

to be continue inshaAllah