Friday, February 17, 2006

~ Farewell to meet again in better way ~


Assallammu’alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh

My dear sisters, my dear friends… … What I am gonna say to you … but for sure I am going to miss you all… I am very sad we are going to separate soon :(… but that’s a part of our life journey….. If we meet someone we should ready to apart from her one day …when we decide to care and love someone we should ready to lost her… Just sometimes as a weak human being we never ready for that, even we do not want to imagine them ….

If we more aware one day we are going to be away each other, perhaps we could spend better time together… to utilize every second to enjoin in just and to work together more for the Sake of Allah … then our togetherness give more meanings… then there is no regret for the time that we lost unwisely :(…

There are so many sweet memories that we have passed together…. The memory of I’tikaf in the last Ramadan..subhnallah was very great experience in my life… I still remember how Sister Efri amazed with the beauty of young families who gathered during iftar…it’s very great scene…[ I know deep down inside she is expecting to have a family soon :) ]….and I remember how Miss Kiki struggled to fight to not fallen sleep …and me who slept too much :)….At the last day of I’tikaf I remember how I left Miss Kiki in hurry….she was stunned I left her without show any guilty feelings; left her promptly after awake… in fact she had stayed there longer to accompany wait my Mom picked up me… … I am sorry my dear sis….I was very shocked, I awoke by a call on my cellular, when I checked it … it’s not the first call… My Mom had called me for several times [she must had waited outside for long time]… I was just so panic ….at that time I only thought to awake soon and run to my Mom as soon as possible…..:) I felt the greatness of sisterhood , a real sisterhood … be around sisters who care me and love me sincerely….

By the way may Allah gift Sister Efri the best husband soon… and also Miss Kiki :) The one who can accept you all your activities… I am wondering who will brave enough to marry such multi talents girls :)

My dear sisters for now, just enjoy any moment that you have, ... Don’t waste your time sitting in your room dreaming about your prince charming who will hold you hand and take you riding his white horse… :)

We never know what will be the future. For sure the more we growing up, the more responsibility that we have to face…. Time by time the challenge step up… live can’t be easier in the future…

When we were still a college student we thought live would be easier if we had graduated, we would not need stuck with assignments and exams in the Ramadan times… We thought if had graduated we could concentrate to do more ibadah, more activities. We thought we would have time to learn much about Islam… Then we graduated and then worked… things different. Even we didn’t have chance to manage our life.. Occupied more than before… sad do not have chance to even spend the last 10 day in Ramadan properly… We engaged more by strict contract to obey what the company wants from us… At work we can’t make mistake [when we were student we still can do mistake sometimes:)]… if make mistake at work it can cause the danger of other life.

Then some of us think about romantic life. Thought It would be wonderful get married [indeed it beautiful] but some of us often get amnesia about the responsibilities that come with this institution. In fact marriage is not only about beautiful moment where can share food during iftar and sahor [sorry Mbak Efri :)] …. As woman we will face a huge responsibility … we will not only responsible to take care ourself but we should responsible to our husband..our children… We will get occupied more and more..

Indeed time by time our life are getting harder and harder. the responsibilities will increase by the addtion of our ages, our position, for every steps that we choose in our life…. We should bear them well… … So that ….. lets just enjoy every moment that we have now [be grateful for our current conditions] before the responsibility come to us :)…

My dear sisters sometimes things are just not as beauty as what we thought. Remember we didn’t see one of our close friends in the last I’tikaf. We didn’t see her until the last day of i’tikaf. She said her husband was so busy at work and always back in late night. It must be difficult for her to leave the house for I’tikaf, she must wait her husband from work and prepare his need… We perhaps will face the similar situation in the future…

Lets me share you what I have seen….. Perhaps this cant be used to generalize the whole situation of our Ummah… this is just phenomenon that I have seen…. And I want we learn from this… InshaAllah we do something to change this situation….

I have lost some friends who gradually disappear from da’wah desk after their marriage. They met their spouse in the way of Allah, with the dream to build Islamic marriage for the continuity of da’wah.

But the realities are many of them forget their dreams. It seems many brothers prefer their wife leave everything after married. They prefer their wife to leave all their activities after their marriage.

It's so ironic....When they were searching for marriage they wanted a special woman who such educated, God fearing, talented and da’wah activities. When they already got one, they forget if they just married someone who already belongs to the ummah. They actually married sisters who have so much talents that needed by ummah.

They forget the consequences of marrying such sisters. They forget to act “just “ to these sisters. To be just to make them at least the same or better person who can give more benefit for ummah after their married. They turn become so possessive: possessiveness that covered by any dalil turn these brothers to be so egoist. They want to keep those sisters as their own properties… demand the totality devotion only for him and his children… even.. it like burn his heart if someone knows his wife name… astagfirullah… [You perhaps never imagine this person exist… but they do exist sis :( ]

There was a syeikh attend his student wedding. His student wondered why he was not married yet, that student asked him why he didn’t get married.. that syeikh simple answered him :…”Ya Akhi to get married I have to just, I afraid I cant be just.”

The student wonder.. “Ya Syeikh I only ask you to marry one girl not many.. why you need to be just…”

The students didn’t understand.. what his Syeikh meant actually it’s not only in the term of polygamy someone has to be just …although only marry one girl he should to be just…

What he meant by “to be just” here that he should able to make his wife become a better person after the marriage. If she smiles before marriage.. She should keep able smiling after marriage.. If she did tahajud everyday.. after marriage she should at least can do same… everything at least should be the same after marriage….not less… So if a sister cant do much after their marriage it meant there is something wrong with the marriage… there must be unjustic there.

My dear sisters….. In some culture it seem so obvious, at the time a girl got married it seem they will not able to do anything… the day their marriage will be the day when they have to say farewell to their friends… I used to hear a sister said “sister after marriage I don’t know if I will have time… I must be busy with my marriage life…” This is phenomenon growing. I still see the plan of sister who wants to resign from da’wah activities after they got married… perhaps this Allah says…

Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet:
Women and sons; Heaped-up hoards of gold and silver;
horses branded (for blood and excellence);
and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land.
Such are the possessions of this world's life;
but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (To return to).
[Ali Imran 3:14]

If all “ummahat” ask to get retired from the da’wah line after they get married then who will keep working and doing something for the ummah [beside brothers]…

My Dear sisters…. I wish our brothers in Islam could understand, if they do not want their wife, their family distracts their da’wah activities after married, that also what felt by sisters. The sisters also want to keep active and doing something for the community after their marriage [well not all sisters... there are some sisters also who consider married as retired to stay at home and they do happy for that..... I think better those brother choose marry these ones rather than the active one... they can be nice match.. wallahu alam ]…

As educated woman with so many talents they also carry the responsibility to do something for the ummah. Their involvement in community will not leave their primary duty as wife and mother..

They also want to earn something from themselves…to give charity… to do more to help others… as far they do all in the scope of syari’…there is no prohibition to do that…

Many of brothers want to marry high educated woman but they take the condition if they should stay at home [stop work] at the first place of their requirement….

Dear sisters I witness some opinions who see how low the woman who do activities for the community…. These brothers considered those women not less than “wicked woman” astaghfirullah… They detest these sisters and said these sisters didn’t know what best for them [in their mindset woman should be only at home]… and They consider these sisters just stubborn woman who keep arguing… astaghfirullah [again you may never imagine these thoughts exist in our Moslem ummah… but you will see so many who proud and elevate this opinions]

I didn’t know if he understands what he said… I believe if he read the shirah nabawiyah and how the lived of woman around Rasulullah..he will not have such narrow minded set. Lahaula walla quwata illa billah

My dear sisters …I have known many sisters abroad … subhanallah sometimes I feel how lucky I am to be born and raised here… and to be surrounded with a lot of splendid active, creative young sisters like you…. All those pathetic stories that I read on the books… they are really exist in real.. it become so real when you have met them yourself… If the enemy of Islam attack us …. It’s not all their fault.. sometimes they just said what the real pathetic conditions , the abusive of the real teaching of Islam itself.. astaghfirullah…

I feel sad to see their conditions…. Many of them well educated, too high educated… But they do not use their knowledge to make change to their environment. They do not apply their talent. It like they do their education until the time of marriage, they keep continuing study if there is no marriage proposal… Perhaps that’s benefit activities that can do rather than wait at house…[especially if their parents pretty rich]. When finally they got married most of them cant do anything… they will not different like any uneducated villager girls…their knowledge just vanish….. just buried….no real contribution to apply their knowledge to give the benefit of Ummah…

Some of their husbands are so nice. Some brother married young girl, they sent them to study more more religion.. or some course … but this is not like what we think… I am not sure if their husbands will give chance to them to apply what they study outside the home… this case perhaps are not better than single girl who keep sent to schools by their parents until a proposal come… in case of married woman.. They sent to school to prevent these young wife get bore at home at least until they get pregnant, they can stop from school… [astaghfirullah…] …

The knowledge but no application… it will mean nothing… I don’t know how waste it is… but I believe they will not consider it as waste… it seem the life that they want and they even consider that what should do…

Dear sisters…. I am be a witness how a Moslem brother can be so proud to say how bless he is has an illiterate wife….because by her ignorance she will not involve in bad things… It’s very pathetic, where actually an educated woman can do many things … it’s unfair just point to the negative side the possibility if their talents will harm others. In fact a bad educated man also can harm other… therefore It’s not about the education and the knowledge but about who the person who carry the education/knowledge… ….

Alhamdulillah…be around young active sisters like both of you [sorry you not young anymore :)]… But indeed it was such great bless to be around you… I see the figure how should be a Muslimah…. through my dear sister Kiki I find a Muslimah who actually can do something. I admire your way to communicate with people; the balance in the scope of shar’I border, I admire you ideas, I admire you creativeness… I admire you real contribution to the community. Help the children who need special care indeed a noble work.

Through my dear sister Efri I see the great spirit of businesswoman… a very active woman, a struggle; a hard worker, you are a real inspiration of a true devotion for Our Lord, our parents, our Siblings. I admire your spirit in anything, your independence. Subhanallah I pray there is no one who extinct those spirit….

I just can’t imagine if one day you get married and then you leave all those work. Please choose the right person who can support your activities.. who can help to polish the diamond keep shinings…who can understand how talented you are… the one who no egoist,… the one who want to be partner to work hand in hand.. the one who have long vision the marriage to keep giving better contribution to ummah.,.. the one who can see this religion with their board heart…who can bring the peace and beautifulness… the most important things the one who can help you to be better.. not only for your life.. but also for the others life….The one who see your as a precious asset of Ummah that have to care and support...

Finally….May the distance will not less our love and support each other… inshaAllah one day we will meet each other with the better ways… with higher spirit to keep doing something for this ummah…. InshaAllah lets explore the maximum gift that Allah has blessed us in our respective field…. We do carry more responsibility for all the blessing that we have… for education that we have to apply them… to help others…to revive this Ummah… to give better picture what actually a real Muslimah…. Lets we come up the figure of Khadijah binti Kwalid…. Aishah binti Abu Bakar… and all others the great role model of Muslimah….. be istiqomah in fisabilillah.. inshaAllah.. amen

Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaika
Fi aman Allah
Bandung, 17 February 2006

I just reread this article again…
Sound very angry :)….and bit bias
InshaAllah..I want to give bit correction,…
This writing not encourage muslimah go outside the house without necessary …Because the honor place for woman is in her home…
I think when I wrote this article in my upset with the attitude of some muslimah and also some Moslem brother
This we should balance in all condition..
Muslimah shouldn’t abandon their main role…
Muslimah should try her best to obey her husband wishes whatever it is as far in the border of syar’i.
As good muslimah will try to less her personal ego…for the happiness of her husband..
Because her husband will be her jannah and her hell…

Wallahualam bishshowab

Batam 14 March 2007