Thursday, December 06, 2007

~ Physical Beauty and The Marriage [Part 1] ~



My Dear sister in Islam…

What would feel when someone intends to marry you, he comes to your parent to see you. After he has seen you… He just goes back, never come back, not move forward with his proposal…

Will you hate this brother?

What you feel about a brother who asks people about your beauty first than your religion?

Will you feel so humiliated?

We may think a brother who asks about beauty… as someone who has not strong commitment in his deen…. We jump labeling him as someone who only care about beauty. We may would start to questioning his understanding of his deen...….

Astaghfirullah.. wa na’uzubillah..

Do you know sister..

Once upon a time……Imam Ahmad rahimahullah advice if a man want to propose marriage to a woman, he should ask about her beauty first, and if good things are said, he should ask about her religious commitment, and if good things are said, he should marry her. If he doesn't hear good things about her religious commitment, then he will have rejected her because of her religious commitment. He should not ask about her religious commitment first, then if good things are said, then he asks about her beauty, then if he does not hear anything good, he rejects her because of beauty and not because of religious commitment. End Quote [Syarh Muntahā’l Iradāt, vol. II, page. 623.]

Subhanallah….

Sister…..
Imam Ahmad rahimahullah… very wise…. he doesn’t want a mu’min leave a God fearing muslimah just because that muslimah not meet his standard of beauty in fact he fully aware she is a true believer who has strong understanding of her deen… He doesn’t like a mu’min refuse another muslimah not because of the deen matter…

Wallahualam…

Dear Sister…

It’s not something make you become more holy, more pure or make your marriage become more Islamic marriage by marrying someone who never being seen before…. With the same reason you cant refuse the right of you suitor to see you because of this kind of personal preference.

I am sorry for some sisters who raise in certain culture who belief these things, they consider this kind of marriage as something very Islamic, better and best.... In certain cases even cause the offense and humiliate feeling if the suitor come to see the girl...

I am sorry too for them who blindly accept someone that offered by their shaikh/teacher or the respected person. with the faith that would make them more pure and sincere.... Or some just accept it with whatever reasons such as afraid will be cursed by their fellows group of da'wah that they will start to doubt of his/her commitment in da'wah if asking to see candidate first... Some go with blindly marriage just in intention to show their obedient and their submission to the choice of shaikh... etc. .. Wa na'uzubillah...

This way of marriage is just the opposite of getting marriage where boys and girls have date each other and become so free in their relation. However... the first way is too extreme.... and another one is the wrong way... Allah knows best...

The sunnah of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam is we are ordered to see the person that we are going to marry.... because it is the basis on which a very important decision affecting a person’s life will be taken

Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam told a companion Al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that going to marry an Anshar lady : ‘Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’ [Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574]

Rasulullah salahu alahi wassallam must have a wisdom by advising the companions to see first someone that he was going to marry. He salallahu alahi wassalam said.. it can strengthen the heart, more fitting the love and compatibility between both of couple. This sunnah inshaAllah ensure the love and affection will be generated between them........ subhanallah...Allah knows best.

Sister... unlike what we thought before... Actually this is a part of the sunnah our brother in Islam to choose a wife that suite for him in beauty, because it will give greater sense of tranquility and more likely help him lower his gaze. The one that meet his level of beauty that will keep him happy to build a family based on love and respect. That beauty will be a shield for him from fall to the haram things...

Allah knows best

My dear sister……

Please broaden your heart, keep be patience and always have trust in Allah….. If someone comes to ask your hand to marry then he cancel his intention to marry you because you are not meet his beauty standard, please don't be sad sister.... keep praising to Allah… be grateful to Him.....Try your best to keep a husnuzaan with the intention of your fellow brother in Islam... InshaAllah soon.. Allah will replace him with someone better .. someone who will accept you whatever you are....

Why sister ?

Can you imagine to spend rest of your life with someone who not feel compel with you ? It like nightmare and torturing yourself…..For the marriage you must be willing to give the best for your companion both in physically and spiritually fulfillment.
Marriage is not game….…. It is a place of both party to feel the pleasure and enjoyment…. The peak of happiness is when you can give the best fulfillment to your spouse ... to be the coolness of his eyes... the coolness of his heart...

Sister... it would be hurt you so much.... it would be much more humiliated you if in the future when you find out your hubby thinks " My wife is too short....I didn't know if my wife too fat... I actually prefer my wife more fairer" etc...

Sister... Everyone has their own preference...
The beauty itself is very relative depends on person to person preference... It may you are not considered as a beautiful girl for one suitor but you will be look so beautiful for one who Allah destined become your life partner.... inshaAllah...

Sister.... This is the nature of human being to demand and dream something.... ... Our pious brother also a human being, they are normal man who have fitrah to love beauty... It's not tarnish their quality of his deen...if they have a specific beauty in their mind for his wife to be.... Just like you also have the same right to have specific qualities for your husband to be

However... It would bring more confidence yourself if your husband knew how you look like when he moved forward to marry you... You do not need to wondering whether you would be beauty enough to your husband... because you are his choice... both outside and inward aspects....

Subhanallah.... this sunnah is to respect the marriage institution itself... To prevent the regret and disappointment in the future... The refusal it could be his good fear of Allah to mistreating you if he keep move on in marrying you ....

Dear sister ...

Strengthen your heart to keep following the guidance of Allah and His messenger salallahu alahi wassalam to get through all the procedures of the sunnah with patiently …

Dear sister … Allah knows what you feel deep down your heart when you have to move from one suitor to another suitor… When you have to smiles from one family to another family who coming to know you....….Allah knows best your patience that you have to answer the interviewer…

However sister… You still have the key in your hand.. Let other choose…. Finally you the one who decide… Allah and His Messenger give you that right … Nobody can force you to marry anyone without your agreement… InshaAllah

Allah Knows best….

Rytha
Batam 5 December 2007

to be continue inshaAllah

5 comments:

Mifla Mashood 12:24 AM  

Asalamualiukum warahmatulahi wabrakathu,

Mashallah Good article, I heard this aspect from one of sheiky Yasir Qadhi’s lecture’s on ‘Fiqh of Marriage’.Allah knows best,inshallah whatever he has ordained for each individual is what is best for each one of us.I firmly belive that Allah swt is always with the patient and grateful servants. Whatever we may achieve or not achieve in this life is insignificant if he loves us. Inshallah he will grant pious spouses for everyone when the time is right or inshallah bless them with something better.

Anonymous 1:48 PM  

asak sister.am unmarried n am under a certain ampount of pressure from family..ur blog was very specific about how to go about choosin a life partner..Jazzakillah..Allah bless u:)

Shadia 12:08 PM  

My dear sister ,

u'r article so nice.but pious man should be good human.good human should know how not tu hurt anyone.have to take decision shake of Allah not shake of beauty.

Jazzakallahu kaiaraha my sis
Always Allah will bless u

Anonymous 12:04 PM  

After getting married with a Pious Husband, your husband will say that you are ''The Most Beautiful Woman'' In this earth. :D even sometimes... we are Ugly.

Be Happy to have such husband.

Rytha Nur'aini 10:35 AM  

Assallammu'alaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatuh...

Dear sisters... alhamdulillah... Like what sister Dina said... After getting married with a Pious Husband, your husband will say that you are ''The Most Beautiful Woman'' In this earth. :D even sometimes... we are Ugly. :)