Subhanallah I am very proud about a sister with very high qualifications and her concern to our youth Moslems. I hope there are many muslimah who well educated, an be master in their respective fields like her..… Then we all can be one precious asset in this Ummah mashaAllah…InshaAllah….
My dear sisters ……we all love children.. As woman our heart will be flooded by the tenderness and compassion of love anytime we see their clear innocent faces.. We feel so peace see through their sparking eyes… Our heart melt with their sweet heartily smiles…all the pain just gone when see their cheer…They are such sweet tiny creature…..Who can resist to not kiss and hug them?…mashaAllah the most pure and purity creature…
Imagine such dear creature could grow up with disorder of behavior, disorder of learning… , etc… na’uzubillah…We never want to think about that… we only think about all the best for their life…We all dream the best education because we all realize education is an important foundation to revive this ummah to gain the better Islamic life system..
As woman we take the big part to responsible their well being….
In the Qur’an it was described the children are as allurements the life of this world [Qur’an Al Kahfi 18:46] , the children is one who comfort of our eyes [Qur’an Al Fur’qan 25:74]. But in the same time our children can be as a test : Allah says “And know ye that your possessions and your progeny are but a trial; and that it is Allah with Whom lies your highest reward” [Qur’an Al Anfal 8:28] Subhanallah… Indeed the children is our amanah [trust] that we have to care very much….
Few days ago my best friend came visit. me She graduated from psychology, specifically in psychology for education. She is running a school. It’s not a big school, it like a playgroup; preschool that also provide counseling for the parents. She focuses on children who need “special” care.
I told her about a query that sent by a sister in my Islamic group regarding deal with children, and then we had long conversation…. IshaAllah I am going to share you our conversation……
Subhanallah… she told me so many new things… I was surprised….I meant actually I felt so stupid when I realize how less that I know about children . Perhaps the few replies of this query in the group is a proof that I am not the only ones here :) [I didn’t mean say my dear sisters stupid like me….]
Another thing that surprised me, She told me she made a simple survey just among muslimah, friends…[most of them even da’wah activist..]… The question is so simple.. Which thing that been priority being preparing by unmarried muslimah….. It was rarely who answered: “I am preparing how to be a good mother” or “I am learning how to bring up my children”, “I am learning the physiology of children”…. Most of them focus on: What is a good husband, how to be a good wife [to please the husband], and then finally they use most of time to think what kind of man that they are going to marry… “
Subhanallah… that’s not wrong at all… But our ignorance about children when we step our marriage life will give bad effect to our children.
I just know it’s important for a baby to have the right sequences of developments. It’s not good if babies stand/walk without pass the phase of crawling on hands and knee…because skipped one phase; this will less their explorer experiences…There are many things children can explore when they are crawling phase….
Subhanallah… I never though about that.. I thought it’s just like a super baby if they can stand straight away very soon …. :).
She said some of children even have to get some therapies if they lost some of development phases, this is to ensure the particular part of their body stronger and develop properly…
Before start some kind of therapy, she asked the complete history of the children. How was the pregnancy.. When the first time the child could move his head.. When the first time he can sit.. When the first time he could crawling?..... When they first time he can stand?.. etc etc …there are some other questions that have to fill out…
At that time I was like… Ya Allah, if I was a mom, could I answer those questions? Will I know when the first time my baby could move his head,….Subhanallah… Nowadays the role of motherhood has been substituted by baby sisters due the widespread of career woman, it must be difficult to answer that questions……even they maybe don’t know what the first word their babies said ……..
She said many muslimah still have lack of knowledge when they get married…. The knowledge about children is one of them…She has to answer some Muslimah who asked her the same questions. Some of them very panic,like “Miss why my child couldn’t concentrate/focus when doing something” ? “Miss, why is it so difficult to ask my child to study?” “Miss why my child can’t be independent?” etc etc….
They do not have idea how long 2 year children can concentrate while she/he doing. Some got panic while actually it’s a normal case….[When She said this….By the way How long sis? :)... I also really didn’t have idea how long a 2 year old children is considered have a normal concentration ] . She told me how long but sorry I forget her exact answer :). She said when we grow older, we should able to concentrate longer. [ I thought I might been attacked by Attention Deficit Disorder.. because often not in the mood to do my works :) ...or perhaps some of us who cant concentrate well in our prayer have this problem .. so need some therapy ... :) ]
Some mothers worry about their children that can not be independent. But then she found out it was the parents who act too protective… even in the class Parent tends to always wait their children in school, they keep asking what their son doing….[I felt…it’s true sometimes love can make us become soo protective… it made me remember my experience with my cat [well because I still not have children :) ], I was too protective to my cat. that made he even afraid with mouse and even cant defense himself from other naughty cat…he afraid to step our from house, anytime he saw a car or motor bike passing, he run inside the house… When I lost him for 6 months, I was really upside down …..]
Each of children are unique and we can not make generalization.. Each of them needs special treatment. We have to have special strategy in dealing with them. There is kind of child that can do something better if they are given an order [like a dictator way…you have to do this …don’t to do this]..…....
There is kind of child who can work better if they are given support by praising them, there is kind of children who like if given challenges, there is kind of children who should be taught by diplomatic why…..And there is kind of child who need combination of those methods…
MashaAllah she shared so many things…
Nowadays many children have problems that need special care… According to her experiences in the field, she identifies 1 from 3 children need special care. The triggers of this problem [according to her] are the bad foods, the environments, and the main things because the parents [especially mom] who do not have enough knowledge about how to educate their children.
One of very common case nowadays is autism and hyper active. She found so many children that identified as autism, hyperactive…She have been doing therapy for these cases….
A mom should able to identify if their children have the tendency or not… [Do you know how to identify that autism sis ? I just know how the easy way to find the indication our child have autism problem… . Like their eyes didn’t see to the eyes’ of people who talking with them…when they were babies they don’t feel any distracted and don’t see us even if we make any sound with his toys …..etc..and for hyper active children we also should know the differences between an active children and the hyper active…. ] …
We actually can help those children if we aware about those problems in the early time.. Then we can give an early care and therapy… And the best therapy for the children is from people who close with them….
Anyway, we can identify this case from school… in fact not all private Islamic school really care about his matter. How to make our Islamic school care to test their students and train their teacher to aware this case…Especially if from the house we cant identify this case we want the school help us to identify if our child have problem or not. We want our children who have special case they find help and can grow and develop normally….
I think one of way to eliminate this problem as muslimah it is an obligation for us to learn at least the simple way to identify this case and know what we should do.. So for my dear fellow sisters who still single you actually have so many things that you should learn before step to marriage life :)
Marriage life is full with responsibilities [it's not only flowering and romantic scene ], if we consider marriage as ibadah, the best ibadah is the one that accompanied with knowledge,,, so prepare as much as possible the knowledge to make our ibadah maximal inshaAllah…
I encourage myself and my dear sisters lets start from now we buy books to learn about children and learn from our senior sisters who have more experience….… even if we still do not know when we are going to get marry,… or if in the future we do not have chance to get marriage.. inshaAllah the knowledge will never useless [we still can use this knowledge to help other muslim..]
This is a real reminder for me personally. I still have very low knowledge about children.. if I do not search more.. I might feel so sorry....and my innocent children will be the victim of my ignorance.. astaghfirullah..
And the third one, as parents we should active to monitoring our education system. Speak out to the school committee, use parents committee to concept the best system that will be conveyed to the schools….
The school only can be developed well if they can fulfill the needed of the attendances… so If all parents know what their children need and all of them speak out.. The school will not have choice but they have to prepare what they need… else the school will be abandoned/closed… the big matter here is about how aware we are…how concern we are about this matter… If we keep being ignorance and indifferent about this matter…… then it will not go anywhere, the school will keep running with their ways.. and nobody will help our children until we realize it’s too late to help them…
May we all can work together to create better community that always framed by the spirit of true teaching of Islam… May Allah subhana wata’ala help us to make all things easier…
Bandung 19 November 2005
Astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaika
Subhanakallahumma wabihamdika ashadu ala ilaha illa anta astaghfiruka wa atubu ilaika