Saturday, June 09, 2007

~Expect & respect your Wife jealousy Part 2~

My dear husband Ahmad….
Please ignore all what I have written previously dear….

I am not crying because regretting of discontinue relationship with any other non mahram man. I believe that what I should do.

The marriage is not a start for a muslimah to caring their husband feeling. It should start from long time back even before she meets him…… not for the sake of the man that going to be her destined only, but for the sake to please here Rabb… Allah subhana wata’ala….

I am just feeling jealousy dear….

Crying is my only weapon …..
I can’t be like Sa’ad bin Ubada who said if he was to see a man with his wife, he would has struck him with the sword, and not with the flat part (side) of it.

I will not able to strike anyone with sword, Allah knows best, I even do not have courage to say you any words that can hurt your feelings..I am not saying I am afraid of you as there is no one that I should afraid but Allah..I am just trying my best to care your feelings and comfort.

Do you know dear...seeing you in trouble it harder to me than stricken by hundreds swords…. My eyes will hardly taste sleep until you are happy and please. It my weakness as woman that sometimes cant voice what we feel… because doesnt want to cause bitterness in our dear heart…..We tend choose to swallow the bitterness ourselves than create shadow into our dear heart……

Hence I only can cry myself or silent.

Dear..there are a lot of our brothers in Islam who are so nice, witty, famous, wealthy, but they are not my husband, having relationship with them is meant nothing if that cost of hurting your feelings….. I try my best take care you gheerah [protective jealousy], I do not want to upset you even if the offer of friendship from the purest.

I will never betray you when you are present. I will care your honor more when you are absent. There will be no man step in our house when you are away….not from doors of our house…and not from the windows of any instant messengers

Dear, a wonderful sahabiyyah….Asma binti Abu Bakar chose to walk carry on her heavy head the stones of the dates 2 miles away rather than accept the offer of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam along with group of companion for a ride.
[2] She could accept it but She felt shy to go with man and she remembers Zubair – her husband and his gheerah. She decline the offer of Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam

Doesn’t matter the jealously that I feel and how deep you ever hurt me… I will inshaAllah always considering your feeling….. The hardship, won’t be the justification to ignoring your jealousy, your feelings…..

I shall always be faithful to you since the holy bond has joined us. Such a relation would not have existed but for your faith and religious commitment and your accepting to marry me. Caring your feeling is so sacred and things that I don’t like to speculate….

I am just really feeling jealousy dear….

Please don’t worry dear….
I don’t hate you, I don’t angry to you , I don’t have any bad feeling about you, I don’t suspect you are committing something sin. Na’uzubillah. This is just the feeling of jealousy; Pure jealousy to my dear husband that I love dearly

Do you feel strange with my jealousy honey?

When Allah's Messenger Sallahu alahi wassalam heard about Sa’ad’s jealousy to his wife with other man, Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam said: Are you surprised at Sa'd's jealousy of his honour? By Allah, I am more jealous of my honor than he, and Allah is more jealous than I.

Al-Tabari and other scholars said: Jealousy on the part of women is to be overlooked and they are not to be punished for it because it is part of their nature.

Some centuries ago there was a lady that more pious, smarter, prettier than your wife. She has same name like me. She is our mother ummul mu’minin Aishah Radiyallahu anhu…..She experienced the same like what I am feeling right now….

This jealousy doesn’t always mean I don’t trust and believe in you, I do trust and believe in your whole my heart. Our bond of love has been framed by sacred the marriage. Our true commitment in front of Allah…But Jealousy is just something different. It’s a nature dear; the ingredient of love….It is the sign of love itself. No woman is free from, so long as she does not overstep the mark and do or say anything that Allaah has forbidden, Allah forgive her…wallahualam….

Which man that more noble, pure and trustworthy than Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam? He sallahu alahi wassalam is a perfect husband. Nobody doubts how Ummul mu’minin Aishah trust him dearly……..

Once ummul mu’minin said never felt so jealous of any woman as I did of Khadija, though she had died three years before the Prophet married me, and that was because I heard him mentioning her too often, and because his Lord had ordered him to give her the glad tidings that she would have a palace in Paradise, made of Qasab and because he used to slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her friends.
[5] It is as if there had never been any other woman in the world except Khadijah."

Ummul mu’minin Aishah jealous to her husband’s co wife khadijah, even if she never met khadijah, Rasulullah sallahu alahi wassalam always mention her.

What about a wife should feel if her husband mentioning about the other woman who not halal for him often? I believe they have right to feel more jealous….

I hope you understand my feelings dear….
I would rather you do not mention about your ex- fiancé often. Please don’t remind me if you did love her a lot now and then…. I have understood it. But it’s hard to comprehend that right now I am the only one in your heart if you keep mentioning her name or any other woman.

If woman is not allowed describing about the other woman in front of her husband because it would be fitnah for her husband, I believe a husband also shouldn't describe about the other woman in front of his wife because it could cause the evils easily whispering bad things and cause jealousy into his wife's heart….

In Rasulullah salallahu alahi wassalam’s polygamies marriage… jealousy among his wives is a halal competition to reach Rasulullah attention, to get more his love.

It's very strange and really inappropriate if a wife should be in struggle to reach her husband attention with other non mahram woman who even do not halal for her husband. A good husband will not put his wife in such low condition…. She shouldn’t in competition with these women…. A competition only fair if they have the same status and class… A Wife and non mahram woman, they are exactly different…..A wife should already be the only winner in her husband's heart since the ijab and the qabul being pronounced in the aqad of marriage.

Dear ...I have a lot more to write ….but I already feeling pain on my back…I need to lie down...InshaAllah I will write to you more latter….

Please forgive me if I am saying something wrong ... I am sincerely do not have any intention to hurt you...

May Allah forgive me if my jealousy cause so much trouble in your in these days... May Allah keep the bond of our love stronger....

With so much love

Your wife

To be continues inshaAllah…..
Batam 7 May 2007
Rytha N

[1] HR Muslim Book 009, Number 3572
[2] HR Muslim Book 026, Number 5417
[3] HR Muslim Book 026, Number 5417
[4] Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah, 1/248
[5] HR Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 33: